The Double Empathy Problem: Why Communication Breaks Down Between Neurotypes

The Double Empathy Problem is a term coined by autistic scholar Dr. Damian Milton in 2012. It challenges the long-held belief that autistic people inherently lack empathy or social skills. Instead, it proposes that communication struggles between autistic and non-autistic individuals are mutual.

This means that when people with different ways of experiencing and interpreting the world try to connect, miscommunication is likely—not because one person is broken or deficient, but because each person is using a different “operating system.”

Rather than framing autistic people as socially impaired, the Double Empathy Problem suggests that both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals may have difficulty understanding each other’s emotions, intentions, or perspectives—especially if they’ve never had to bridge that particular gap before.

The Traditional View of Empathy and Autism

For decades, autism has been associated with a supposed lack of empathy. Popular narratives, outdated research, and even diagnostic frameworks have often painted autistic individuals as emotionally detached, socially aloof, or unaware of how others feel.

This deficit-based framing has caused immense harm. It’s led to:

Misdiagnoses or late diagnoses
Unnecessary social training aimed at “normalizing” autistic behavior
Shame, self-doubt, and internalized ableism among autistic individuals
Misunderstandings in families, friendships, and workplaces

But this view is incomplete—and, in many cases, simply wrong.

How the Double Empathy Problem Flips the Script

The Double Empathy Problem reframes the issue: Instead of blaming autistic people for failing to fit neurotypical social norms, it highlights the mutual nature of misunderstanding.

Here’s how it works:

Neurotypical people often struggle to interpret autistic communication cues.
Autistic people often struggle to interpret neurotypical communication cues.
Each group can feel misunderstood, frustrated, or excluded when trying to connect with the other.
But when autistic people communicate with other autistic people, these breakdowns often disappear.

It’s not that autistic people lack empathy—it’s that their way of expressing or experiencing empathy may be different. And when those differences go unrecognized or unaccommodated, connection suffers.

This shift in thinking invites us to stop asking, “How can autistic people fit in better?” and start asking, “How can we all better understand each other?”

Real-Life Examples of the Double Empathy Problem

Let’s break it down with a few everyday scenarios:

Example 1: Eye Contact Misinterpretation
A neurotypical manager assumes their autistic employee is disengaged because they avoid eye contact. The autistic employee, meanwhile, finds direct eye contact overstimulating and is actually trying to focus on what’s being said. Both parties walk away feeling misunderstood.

Example 2: Literal vs. Figurative Language
A neurotypical friend jokes, “You’ll never guess what happened—I literally died.” Their autistic friend becomes confused or alarmed by the phrase. The neurotypical person may feel like their humor wasn’t appreciated, while the autistic person may feel out of sync with social cues they weren’t taught to decode.

Example 3: Emotional Expression
A neurotypical parent worries their autistic child isn’t empathetic because they don’t express emotions in expected ways (e.g., saying “I’m sorry” when someone is hurt). But the child may show empathy differently—by offering a favorite toy, staying close, or becoming distressed themselves.

These are not failures of character. They are mismatches in social signaling—each party trying to communicate, but doing so in different dialects of human connection.

What the Research Says

Emerging research supports the Double Empathy Problem and challenges old assumptions about autistic social skills:

Autistic-autistic communication is often more fluid
Studies have found that when autistic people interact with one another, communication tends to be smoother, more validating, and less effortful than when they engage with neurotypicals.
Neurotypical people also struggle to read autistic cues
In one study, neurotypical participants were less accurate at interpreting autistic individuals’ facial expressions than autistic participants were at interpreting each other’s.
Empathy is not absent—it’s different
Autistic people often report deep emotional attunement and empathy, especially in response to honesty, injustice, or others in distress. It may be communicated through action, intensity, or timing that doesn’t align with neurotypical norms.

This growing body of evidence reframes the conversation: It’s not about fixing autistic people. It’s about building mutual understanding and respect.

Why the Double Empathy Problem Matters

Understanding the Double Empathy Problem has real-world implications—for education, healthcare, workplaces, and relationships:

It reduces shame
Autistic individuals can stop internalizing the idea that they are “bad at being human” and start recognizing the validity of their communication style.
It promotes mutual responsibility
Neurotypical people are invited to take equal ownership in bridging communication gaps, rather than placing the burden solely on autistic individuals to adapt.
It opens doors to more inclusive design
From therapy and coaching models to classroom strategies and workplace communication—understanding this dynamic can lead to environments that are less about conformity and more about connection.

Ultimately, the Double Empathy Problem reminds us that empathy is not a one-way street—it’s a shared path, built together through awareness, effort, and genuine curiosity about each other’s lived experiences.

Closing Thoughts: Toward Mutual Understanding

The Double Empathy Problem invites us to move beyond deficit models of neurodivergence. It reminds us that communication isn’t broken—it’s mismatched. That “connection” doesn’t always look the same—and that’s okay.

When we accept that everyone brings different ways of seeing, sensing, and sharing into the world, we open the door to deeper connection—not through forced sameness, but through compassionate curiosity.

Understanding is a two-way street. And every step toward mutual empathy makes the road a little easier to walk—for all of us.

What You Can Do Next

Learn more from autistic voices. Seek out blogs, podcasts, books, and content created by neurodivergent people.
Reflect on your assumptions. How do your expectations around communication shape how you perceive others?
Practice curiosity over correction. If someone’s style of interacting is different, try asking, “What helps you feel seen and heard?”
Share this post. Help spread awareness of the Double Empathy Problem—and shift the conversation from “what’s wrong?” to “what’s missing in our mutual understanding?”

Together, we can build a culture of empathy that sees difference not as a threat—but as a vital part of human connection.

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